How you leave a relationship is as important as how you enter it – and speaks a lot of who you are.
We are always creating karma through our actions. The way that you leave a relationship will create karma— And that karma will impact your next relationship in a positive or in a negative way.
Everything you don’t complete with the person you’re walking away from will need to be dealt with in the next relationship.
I know what you’re thinking… But what if the other person doesn’t want to have closure? Or what if they don’t want to end it on good terms?
You see, it doesn’t matter. You cannot control how the other person feels or what they’ll do. You can only be responsible for what you do, and the way you choose to go through this process will dictate the next chapter of your life.
A vulnerable personal experience…
I went through the most devastating divorce 15 years ago. I left my ex-husband because I didn’t feel connected to him at the soul level. After giving it a lot of thought, processing with therapists and loved ones, I decided that my truth was more important to me than staying married to him — so I chose my truth.
This was very shocking to my ex, he couldn’t understand why I was leaving even though I tried to explain to him what I needed from him in order to continue on. I knew that If I stayed I would have to settle for less affection, less touch, less intimacy, less depth, less connection, less dialog, etc… In other words, I would have settled for less than my heart truly desired.
I knew deep down that I couldn’t do that because I would be lying to myself and betraying my heart. Staying married without having those things was unacceptable to me.
He was in complete disbelief when I finally told him that I wanted a divorce because he didn’t think I was capable of creating a life of my own. He didn’t think I was strong enough to be without him. That’s how much he didn’t really know me.
I had everything you can imagine (materially speaking). However, what my heart really wanted was to be in a loving marriage. We were not aligned, we had a different vision for our future— and my heart constantly felt like I was not living in integrity with my deepest desire in love.
I wasn’t allowed to speak my truth or to share with him my deepest hurt, my sadness, my joy, my fears, etc.. He just didn’t know how to hold space for me when I wasn’t at my best – and was not interested in learning how.
The reason I’m sharing this with you is not to complain about my ex or to make him into a bad person for not wanting what I wanted.
I simply started growing spiritually and he wasn’t interested in doing the same, so to me, it felt very clear that our journey together had to end. I couldn’t hold my soul back in order to save the marriage – that would have been dishonoring to me.
I am a soul seeker, a spiritual warrior, a heart-centered woman – and living in a loveless marriage was not aligned with the woman that I was becoming. I knew that with every cell of my body.
I am sharing this with you because if there is one relationship I have tried to leave in good terms and it wasn’t possible, that was my relationship with him.
No matter what I did and still do and how much love and light I send him, I am never going to be good enough for him.
This used to bother me so much! I tried to prove to him over and over again that I was a good person, a good mother, a good ex-wife, etc…
I thought that having completion with him required that he liked me or that he saw my worth and value at some point. I thought that in order to feel at peace with my decision of leaving, he had to feel at peace too and understand the reasons why I left.
I am talking about years of having this belief and not feeling good enough because I kept seeing myself through his judgements of me.
I used to think that I had to master my relationship with him before I could have a healthy relationship with another romantic partner.
After doing so much work, I mean deep work! I came to understand that the way he feels about me has nothing to do with who I am.
He may never feel complete with me and that doesn’t mean I can’t feel complete with him.
He may never understand why I left the marriage and may blame me for it a thousand times.
He may never be at peace about the way he feels about me.
He may think that I am the worst thing that ever happened to him.
I decided to do everything that was in my power to feel complete with him. I knew that If I kept waiting for him to be ready to release me from his thoughts and from his energy field, I was going to be waiting a long time.
I decided to do my own completion and to put closure on my marriage in a loving way.
Going through that process takes a lot of guts and a lot of self-love. And I knew I could do it because I was committed to my growth. I wanted so much to be free from that dysfunctional entanglement with him that was affecting me on all levels.
I knew that in order to call into my life a loving relationship I had to first do a reconciliation with my ex. And that needed to be on my own because once again, that was the only thing I could control, the way I choose to end it.
My message to you here is the following:
What is your heart yearning for?
What is your deepest desire in love?
What does that yearning and desire need from you in order to be magnetic and inviting into your life?
What do you need to complete? Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to appreciate for showing you what you don’t want in love?
If you are in the midst of ending a relationship, do it with grace and much appreciation. Remember that you chose that person to learn some lessons – and to get to know yourself more deeply.
And if you feel emotional charge over your past relationships, bring completion to them by going through this process:
You’re going to begin by taking inventory of any masculine relationships that you are still holding on to, that still give you emotional charge, etc. Make a list of the names of those men and for each one, do this:
- If you were in a gesture of truly setting both of you free, what do you have to thank him for?
- Write each one of them a letter appreciating everything they did for you, how much you learned from them and from the relationship.
- Express any feelings of disappointment, sadness, and resentment you may still have.
End the letter by saying: I SET YOU FREE, THANK YOU!
After you do this, read the letter to yourself and let your heart be open with any emotions that are present. Perhaps you need to cry, or you may want to punch a pillow — or maybe you just want to laugh out loud because you finally feel free. Whatever you do, keep your heart open.
Now you can burn your letter and envision both of you in pure bliss knowing that you came into each other’s life to learn the lessons that your soul needed to learn.
This is how you need to leave a relationship. Remember that you don’t need the other person in order to have completion. All you need is your commitment to LOVE as you go through this process.
By doing this, you’re allowing love to enter into your life from a clean place, you are allowing yourself to receive healthy love.
This is why I say leave a relationship better than you found it… Because the purpose of relationships is to grow, to become a more compassionate person, to be a more open-hearted human being that stands for LOVE.
You want to leave knowing that you did your best to love them – and now you walk away for the sake of LOVE. You’re setting both of you free so you can enter your next love journey without bringing along any residual from your past relationship.
You are more clear about what you want and what you don’t want from a relationship because of them.
DO THIS FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE
-Adriana
