Have you ever heard before that we attract exactly what we need to work on? Well, consider this—every person who comes into our lives brings a lesson for us to learn.

If you have been searching for the right partner, I suggest that you first stop searching and start looking within yourself. It is only what you can transform on the inside that can eventually create a different reality on the outside.

Have you noticed that each new romantic relationship at some point starts to resemble the one you were in before? You know why? It’s because you didn’t learn the lesson. And until you do, the lesson will keep showing up, so you will keep encountering people who trigger that place inside you that needs to be healed.

The wounds we carry inside come from our relationship with our parents. Everything they didn’t heal themselves gets passed down to us, and from us to our children, and so on.

Your parents certainly did the best they could with the awareness that they had. But if you keep having the same issues in your own relationships, perhaps it’s time to look inside and take responsibility for what you are doing. Anything you’re not dealing with on the inside will keep manifesting on the outside. None of it will ever go away by ignoring it. And those are the very places likely keeping love at bay.

Let’s start by saying that every relationship is always the right relationship. Why? Because whatever you manifest is based on where you are in your life right now. In other words, what you experience in every relationship is a reflection of how you feel about yourself, the way that you think and what you believe you are worthy of. Interesting, huh?

But here’s the thing . . .

Just because it is right for your personal evolution and healing that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay there forever. When you learn what you need to learn, the next piece of clarity will come to you (if you are willing to see it).

The first step in getting this clarity is to take responsibility for yourself and your part in the current situation.

To become more self-aware, here are some tips:

1) Start with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is always the best reference point. Because the way you treat yourself reflects how you will allow another person to treat you. You see, every relationship you have mirrors in some way your relationship with yourself. If you don’t like the people who keep showing up in your life, ask yourself: How am I showing up, myself? Those other people are great feedback for you. Through them, you can learn more of what you want to change within yourself. In fact, if there are things you judge in your partner, I suggest making a list and asking yourself which of those things are actually the very judgments you have of yourself?

2) List all the qualities that you would like your partner to have.
Actually, write them all down. Remember, it’s OK to ask for what you want. The universe is always receptive to your requests when the message is clear. The key is to cultivate those same qualities within yourself. Practice doing it consistently, and you will see how everything shifts around you.

You must become what you want to bring into your life. You manifest everything that is in harmony with your energy. That’s why you should always check yourself first, because your thoughts create the way that you feel, and the way that you feel is energy in motion. So, the energy you put out there will be attracted to whatever is in harmony with it.

Drama will be attracted to more drama, and joy will be attracted to more joy.

3) Always show up as the highest version of yourself.
No matter what. Even if you think the person you’re dating is not for you, you will never know unless you show up to be your best. You see, only when you are authentic with the other person can you access clarity within yourself. The way that prospective partners respond to you will be the best feedback for you to decide whether you want to keep seeing them. When you commit to being authentic regardless of what they may think of you, you will access the freedom that allows you to see the situation with clarity and determine whether the relationship is in alignment with you.

4) Don’t be afraid to say no.
Remember, just because someone takes you out to dinner that doesn’t mean you owe them a kiss. And it certainly doesn’t give them the right to hang in your living room. Respect yourself and know your limits.

In summary: Set the tone high from the start, love who you are, and, most important, set personal boundaries. That way, you will be sending a clear message to the universe about what you desire.

Lastly, I want to remind you that you are worthy of a wonderful relationship with a great partner. But if any part of you doesn’t believe it, you will keep manifesting exactly what you feel you’re deserving of. Reflect on that . . . and again ask yourself, How am I showing up? And am I really embodying the qualities that I want in a partner?

To your highest life..