Why, why, why do we settle?
The past 4 years of my life I have been:
a) in one meaningful relationship for 3 years.
b) One year completely single without dating.
c) A two month “relationship” with a man that wasn’t ready for all of me…
Phew! Thank God for all the work that I’ve done.
I will never settle again for less than what my heart truly desires!
In the past, I used to settle. I stayed in bad relationships way too long, I ignored all the red flags that showed up during the beginning stage of the romance, I adjusted to my partner’s needs without asking for what I myself needed, I silenced my truth in order to “keep the man” and I tried hard to be liked and wanted by him. To the point of losing myself. Argh… Not fun!
Any of that sounds familiar??
This pattern left me feeling resentful, confused, always doubtful and completely unfulfilled.
I didn’t understand why my relationships always turned out to be the same drama.
This is not my reality anymore thanks to all the spiritual growth work I’ve done. I learned my lessons and I now live my truth.
We can either learn from these patterns and create new and healthier ones or we can keep repeating them until we end up at the therapist office in agony wondering “why” we can’t have the relationship that we want.
It’s not the men you attract! It’s the men you’re attracted too. We see parts of ourselves in them that we have denied, judged or dismissed within us.
For example, if you notice that you’re normally attracted to men that are controlling, you probably experienced a lot of control from one of your parents in your childhood. You felt hurt, dismissed or unseen. This means that If you haven’t really healed this wound, you will still be attracted to this pattern in a partner. Why? because you need to heal it.. And It won’t go away until you take care of it.
We are attracted to the people that most match our painful pasts.. And when we heal, we begin to attract healthier people.
Fascinating right??
So how do you do this?
1) I suggest you become very clear about the kind of relationship you want to create. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a partner.
If you want a loving partner in your life, start showing up more loving with the people in your life.
2) You want to be open to receive what the universe wants to give you. Receive, receive, receive!
When people offer to help you, say YES! Even at the grocery store sometimes they offer to take your bags out to the car.. Say yes thank you! This will increase the flow of all the things that want to come your way. The Universe will send you more because you’re gracefully receiving the goodness.
3) Pay attention to how you feel the first time you go out with someone. If you’re open and highly intentional you will be able to discern whether this person is good for you or not.
Trust that fist time! We always know… Remember when you ended that really bad relationship and afterwards you reflected on the way things started? You knew right? You just didn’t trust it!
The more you know yourself the more clear you become about what you have right in front of you.
4) Choose a partner that is a safe lover.
A safe lover honors your truth.
A safe lover doesn’t blame you for your shortcomings but rather understands that you’re human too.
A safe lover remembers who you truly are even when you have forgotten.
A safe lover takes responsibility for his own stuff.
A safe lover stays connected to your heart even when things are challenging in the relationship.
Dear woman, the only reason we settle is because we don’t think we are worthy of having what we want. We buy into the believe that asking for more is a)arrogant b) it may push the other person away c) they might think we’re too intense or too big for our britches. d) We may seem high maintenance.
Well, it is not arrogant or any of the above but rather Humble, Honoring and Brave.
If you have high standards when it comes to being loved right… Don’t apologize for it, own it!
If you want to live a brave life in which you honor your truth no matter what, you will disappoint many!
Truth be told, the people that want to see you rise and shine, will stick around and won’t be threatened by you. They will support you and respect you even more… And these are the people you want in your life.
Do your work, heal yourself and the partner that you truly desire and deserve will show up when your heart is fully open to receive him.
There are so many good men out there. Trust the men! They are also trying their best, men are evolving as we are.
“The healthiest men are magnetized to the healthiest women”. Become healthy inside and your energy will be juicy and irresistible to a good man.
Love,
Adriana
